What the hell kind of Fat Farm is this that I can’t get a decent peanut butter and banana sandwich? I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m looking good for an old guy… sure, my arthiritic hip won’t let me swivel like I used to, but we’re talking Live in Hawaii good looking. Ha, ha, Live in Hawaii! They should have known that’s where I’d go!

But the leather jacket fits again (Don’t Be Cruel)and I’ve finally found just the right hairpiece to pull off that greased pompadour look that the Colonel loved. I miss him and Vernon.

I’ve been working on stuff for a comeback album, but I know y’all won’t buy the fact that I’ve been in hiding for thirty-five years. The Memphis Mafia has been taking care of business since seventy-seven, but I couldn’t convince Sonny and the boys to get leied and become the Honolulu Hillbillies.

Priscilla had been looking good there for a while and it makes me smile. If anybody could’ve raised ol’ Elvis from the “dead” it was her, if you know what I mean!

My baby took a wrong turn along the road since my disappearing act. Poor Lisa Marie marryin’ that scarecrow with the glove, now THAT was awkward. I should’ve been there to steer her in the right path. Thankfully it didn’t last long and she didn’t give me grandbabies with that. The Lord does work in mysterious ways.

What’s next for the King? A 2:30 pineapple massage followed by a 4:00 manicure. Hey, I tol’ y’all I was lookin’ good! I gotta go.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis is leaving the cabana!”


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