Benny was a boar; not very exciting and lacking in the social graces. He was indeed a boorish and boring boar. And what’s more, he was as lazy as all get out. He bordered on being a sloth, but he couldn’t fail the eye exam. A lazy lout of a boringly boorish boar was Benny.
On the other hand, Paramore was a pig. Not a prostitute or purveyor of porcine pleasantry, but a pretty pig as far as that goes. Her pulchritude was pure and her personality was profoundly personable. But boars like Benny believed porcine were below their station, although their relation was closely tied. How a perfectly pretty pig would be bothered by boorishly, boring boars like Benny was beyond reason.
But, it happens every season when winter wanes and winds whip thi wonderful world into shape. Breezes blow, grasses grow and God only knows why a young boar’s fancy turns to thoughts of love. Benny’s boorish blood was boiling and he needed to bag a babe.
Paramore filled Benny’s need to provide him with feed, quell his greed and offer him a place to plant his seed. Then, it was off to the couch for this slouch of a boorishly boring boar. But, it was for sure that Paramore knew the score in regard to the boar. And all Benny ever did was snore!
The pretty porcine Paramore, packed her parcel and went out the door before Benny’s feet could hit the floor. Now, he was there most unaware that his lady fair was outta there! He dragged a boar foot through his hair and settled in his La-Z-Boar chair.
“Oh blushing bride/maid, bring me a beverage! A bottle of beer should soon appear!” Benny bellowed in boorish blather.
Moments passed. He was in a stew!
“WHERE IN THE WORLD IS MY BREW!” Benny boomed.
And then Benny belched, a bombastic belt of boorish boardom. It rattled the rafters in the cellar of the rathskeller, sending rats from their respective resting places.
“What in this world of wonder was that about?” the rats inquired as they retired.
“Rodents?” responded the boring boor of a boar, “well, kiss my rear! What are you rat finks doing here?”
“We’ve resided in the rafters for fortnight and more” the rats replied to the bad-breathed boar.
“Here’s the deal, a real steal…” Benny began his big-mouthed bargain. “You can still live in the rafters here, for a smallish favor…BRING ME A BEER!”